one second before I forget this video has a very special secret announcement the art of not giving a shit I need a tissue. Hi guys and welcome to today’s episode of self-care Sunday. In today’s episode first off I’m feeling rather chatty for anyone new here self-care Sunday series is dedicated to just real life talk. I talk about things that matter to me beyond fashion and beauty.
I talk about life, I talk about experiences, I talk about different kinds of heartbreaks, friendships, relationships, I basically talk about all the things that are more life-centric, mental health awareness instead of what is otherwise just content. Also, even though I tend to do my makeup through this video, I don’t talk about the makeup in this particular series. I will link and list all of the makeup down below in the info box but my focus here is just to kind of have conversation with you keep things flowing in a manner where, I talk to you like friends because I say this so often and across so many of my videos but you guys really really are like my WEARfam. You are my virtual family, you are my friends out there and that’s why I always take make it a point to go through your comments and I take very seriously the feedback of the suggestions that you make and then I make videos according to that because I want to make sure that this is a two-way relationship, this is not just a one-way relationship, where I’m coming and throwing videos on you and leaving.
I want this to be very, very community-led which reminds me, one second before I forget this video has a very special secret announcement.https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/best-dating-apps-help-meet-181113244.html The reason it’s a secret announcement is because this is something I’m only going to be sharing with my YouTube fam this is not something I’m looking to share on Instagram, this is not something, I’m looking to share um with people like just at large in general this is for the loyal watchers that are over here. I will tell you about this in detail but I first want to tell you why I chose today’s video topic the title could have already told you the thumbnail could have already told you.
Why I chose today’s topic about, the art of letting go. First of all, I have to tell you that I did receive some comments about how to how to cut people out of your life or how to be okay with being cut out of people’s lives so I read those comments, I take your comments extremely seriously like I’ve mentioned and this topic really really like stuck with me so there are like four or five topics that I’ve written down basis your requests and topics that I’ve written down are the ones that I think I can actually say something on. I can I like I have an opinion about that I think is worth sharing, it’s not like huh okay ha no okay it’s these are topics that I think we should have conversations on people don’t talk about them, as much right. So it’s basically like the art of letting go the art of not giving a shit, the art of really saying it’s okay that it’s not okay from this perspective um and very very coincidentally genuinely just 100% coincidentally yesterday I uh took the day off I took the day off and I spent the evening at my mom’s like in the evening and I actually have been thinking about one of my mom’s really close friends all week. So when I was going to my mom’s I called her up and I said can you come auntie?
I’ve been you know wanting to see you, wanting to meet you and she was very gracious and she came she’s, she’s literally she’s like a aunt to me her and my mom have been friends for so long and um you know she’s always someone I really enjoy having conversation with and one of the things that the conversations actually led to, we talked about so many things we were hanging out for like four or five hours. The one of the things that we ended up talking about while we were together, was about how certain people are meant to be in your life only for a certain amount of time and there’s a beauty in it and there is pain in it but there is a reason behind it and that became a conversation that we were having and on my drive back home my mom lives really close by literally it literally takes me like five minutes I’m 900 meters away from my mother’s house. So, um and she also lives close to my mom’s house so literally on my drive back home I realized you know what this was a conversation that I had been meaning to have in a self-care Sunday episode and I was meaning to film an episode today so I was like you know what, I think this is gonna be it. I have a lot of thoughts fresh in my mind that um I want to share with you I know that i’ve already started my priming and it might be too late to say this but I think I should say this, let’s dive right into it. Okay, so first things first I want to tell you I have a lot of thoughts about this topic.
I’m not someone who like makes scripts or makes notes, so if i line up going in a few different directions stick with me please. I will try and tell you everything that my mind can think of. So the first thing I need to just kind of address over here is because I go through the comments and sometimes I feel like you guys think I really have like my shit together and that like I have my life together or that I have everything like in just because in theory and in practice I’m able to think straight, doesn’t mean I literally have everything together I don’t sometimes in your head having that sense of sensibility and that sense of center can actually really um throw you off because the people in your life are not necessarily on the same wavelength and that can really disorient you emotionally um and from a mental health point of view. So first off I just kind of want to address that no I I’m not perfect, I don’t have everything in my life that’s perfect.
I have a lot of aspects of my life that I wish were better. I also definitely want to say that when I say letting go or when I discuss letting go, I don’t mean I’m like amazing at it myself have I started to try and understand the theory of it. Yes.
But I myself am still trying to actually put it into practical use for myself letting go as a term, everybody thinks of one of these two things one is either you’re saying okay let go of everything, like I’m not asking you to turn into a scene then uh never feel bad about anything or never like just be like, it’s okay these things happen, it’s life and move on no things hurt you get upset that’s very, very, very normal. But, the other thing that people assume by letting go is that you are at the harder end of this like, you can just let go of people, you can just delete people, no. Nobody can do that also because we’re all human and we all have emotions and at some point we all one way or another do get hurt, we do hurt others also subconsciously, unconsciously these are things that all of us do. I mentioned this in one of the earlier episodes of this series where I said you know what we’ll never be a good person in everybody‘s story, in some or the other story some level of bad person villain, for sure.
And it’s normal because see in life you can’t please everyone, you can’t have everyone agree with you on everything there are things in life in fact I put up an instagram post about this earlier in this week as well where, where I talked about how it’s not possible for everyone to agree on everything as long as you can in a healthy manner agree to disagree you’re fine you know what I mean that’s what’s really important. So I wanna make a confession and say that even though I talk about letting go and I talk about being zen it’s not the easiest thing in the world for me, it’s not like it comes oh so naturally. I work on it in fact it was a friend of mine who I went through a really weird phase with at some point last year and he made me realize that you know you say you don’t hold like you say you don’t hold things against people but you continue to feel bad about them and it was when he said that I realized that he’s right, he’s actually not wrong even though I forgive people, I don’t forget those things and sometimes being really emotional can be really good from the point of view of yeah you are more empathetic towards people you are more compassionate towards people but I guess the downside of it is that you continue to hurt even though you’ve forgiven them, you’re not holding a grudge but you don’t forget either which means somewhere, in your head in your heart it continues to pinch you when you think of it and that’s true. I’m like that I, I I take a lot of time to come out of um a really like really deep, bad phase bad mood or an upset mood rather not bad like angry, anger I can get over in like soon like in a jiffy but uh upset hurt it takes me time to come out of it and I’m the kind of person that if I’m upset with you somewhere I expect you to reach out to me and if I don’t get that, I don’t, I don’t actively work on like if I’m upset with you, I won’t reach out to you just like that. If I’m upset with you I’ll stay to myself for quite a while and I wanna add a little like sub point here, I have a really really close friend who said something beautiful to me earlier this year I was really upset about something and I was talking to him and he said that you know Aanam it’s okay for you to like because I would feel guilty, like if I am upset and if I am not talking to the him and he said to me that you know what?
It’s okay for you to be upset with someone and then expect them to come to you realize say sorry, reach out because the fact of the matter is is that as people and he’s the same so he could relate to it when he was telling me this um he was saying that you know the thing is, we’re the kind of people and tell me if you can relate to this. We’re the kind of people who love so much and give so much like if we were teacups, we’re always so busy pouring ourselves into other people‘s cups, that sometimes we forget that our own tea is getting over. Metaphorically speaking.
So, while we want those people in our lives and while on some level emotionally because you’ve known them for so long or because you have memories with them or whatever you need them in a certain sense of way the fact of the matter is is that those are the people who only take, they don’t necessarily give and that’s not a relationship of equals, someone who is equal will make an effort to give as much as they get or at least give as much as they can give but make the effort of the act of giving you know what I mean and that really stayed with me, it stayed with me to an extent where I actually started thinking in my head that, how many of my close friends are people who will call me upfront and be like, not just to like hang out but like to have conversation, like I’m I’m by nature I’m not someone who just wants to hang out with people randomly. Like I’m very fine sitting in a corner with my book watching something, making videos, I’m okay with that. But if I want to hang out with you, I don’t just want to go to like a place with really loud music and 30 people there. I want to be able to ask you how you’re doing, I want to be able to ask you how’s work, how’s life, you’re newly married, how’s married life going, I want to be able to have conversation with you.
It doesn’t matter how long I’ve known you for, if I’m interested in you I want to know about your life and I want you to know about my life also not just about, hey so what’s new with work you know like I’ve seen those kind of people. Today, today I think I’m in a place to say that whatever little level of success Alhamdulillah I may have reached in life, I feel like I’ve also seen the kind of people who always just want to know about work or always just want to know about okay so what’s going on with you? But they don’t want to know hey like, how’s your mental health doing or hey how are you coping in this lockdown you know, so those are the kind of filters that I’ve started adding on myself for the people around me over the last couple of hours. Previously I used to think, okay it’s fine some people might be there, some might not but now I have set my parameter, my standards a little higher. And that setting your, for yourself setting a standard a little high, will do two things.
One is it will instantly make you feel really lonely because a lot of people will not make it through that barrier, unfortunately or if you’re really fortunate then fortunately good for you lucky you I’m jealous but the second thing it will do is that the people you then allow into your life will be people who will actually be um you know that adult friendships as a concept will be your adult friends who you can talk to, who you may not talk to on a daily basis like now I have like adult friendships where, I don’t talk to these set of people who I consider my close friends. I don’t talk to them every other day, I talk to them once a week sometimes I talk to them once in two weeks but I know they’re there for me, they I know that when they ask me they’re checking in on me it’s genuine, it’s not just because I’m bored so I’m sending a whatsapp saying hey what’s up they like they actually want to talk to me they’re thinking of me um in whatever way or form you know what I mean. But circling back to the idea of letting go or being able to understand that it’s fine, some people won’t be able to pass this filter because it’s a fact right, not every one will pass through the filter. That is a point of really like needing to make peace with.
So what I was talking about was when you let go of this set of people it’s obviously going to be really tough but I really think very strongly that sometimes, we forget that not everyone is meant to be in your life forever. Like I have certain friends of mine from school where we talk once in a while and it’s all well and good and great and we talk in the sense we catch up, we don’t go too deep but it’s nice fun chill light conversation. Then I have certain friends from college who I was really close to in college obviously like you meet them five six days a week your hangout spots are the same, you’re the same age group, you’re going through the similar phases of your lives probably at least academically and personally if not like work wise like I was the only one working while I was in college but the other facets of our lives were more or less the same and that’s why you find that oh you know what I can really relate to these people but after you get done from college your equation could change.
one second before I forget this video has a very special secret announcement the art of not giving a shit I need a tissue. Hi guys and welcome to today’s episode of self-care Sunday. In today’s episode first off I’m feeling rather chatty for anyone new here self-care Sunday series is dedicated to just real life talk. I talk about things that matter to me beyond fashion and beauty.
I talk about life, I talk about experiences, I talk about different kinds of heartbreaks, friendships, relationships, I basically talk about all the things that are more life-centric, mental health awareness instead of what is otherwise just content. Also, even though I tend to do my makeup through this video, I don’t talk about the makeup in this particular series. I will link and list all of the makeup down below in the info box but my focus here is just to kind of have conversation with you keep things flowing in a manner where, I talk to you like friends because I say this so often and across so many of my videos but you guys really really are like my WEARfam. You are my virtual family, you are my friends out there and that’s why I always take make it a point to go through your comments and I take very seriously the feedback of the suggestions that you make and then I make videos according to that because I want to make sure that this is a two-way relationship, this is not just a one-way relationship, where I’m coming and throwing videos on you and leaving.
I want this to be very, very community-led which reminds me, one second before I forget this video has a very special secret announcement. The reason it’s a secret announcement is because this is something I’m only going to be sharing with my YouTube fam this is not something I’m looking to share on Instagram, this is not something, I’m looking to share um with people like just at large in general this is for the loyal watchers that are over here. I will tell you about this in detail but I first want to tell you why I chose today’s video topic the title could have already told you the thumbnail could have already told you.
Why I chose today’s topic about, the art of letting go. First of all, I have to tell you that I did receive some comments about how to how to cut people out of your life or how to be okay with being cut out of people’s lives so I read those comments, I take your comments extremely seriously like I’ve mentioned and this topic really really like stuck with me so there are like four or five topics that I’ve written down basis your requests and topics that I’ve written down are the ones that I think I can actually say something on. I can I like I have an opinion about that I think is worth sharing, it’s not like huh okay ha no okay it’s these are topics that I think we should have conversations on people don’t talk about them, as much right. So it’s basically like the art of letting go the art of not giving a shit, the art of really saying it’s okay that it’s not okay from this perspective um and very very coincidentally genuinely just 100% coincidentally yesterday I uh took the day off I took the day off and I spent the evening at my mom’s like in the evening and I actually have been thinking about one of my mom’s really close friends all week. So when I was going to my mom’s I called her up and I said can you come auntie?
I’ve been you know wanting to see you, wanting to meet you and she was very gracious and she came she’s, she’s literally she’s like a aunt to me her and my mom have been friends for so long and um you know she’s always someone I really enjoy having conversation with and one of the things that the conversations actually led to, we talked about so many things we were hanging out for like four or five hours. The one of the things that we ended up talking about while we were together, was about how certain people are meant to be in your life only for a certain amount of time and there’s a beauty in it and there is pain in it but there is a reason behind it and that became a conversation that we were having and on my drive back home my mom lives really close by literally it literally takes me like five minutes I’m 900 meters away from my mother’s house. So, um and she also lives close to my mom’s house so literally on my drive back home I realized you know what this was a conversation that I had been meaning to have in a self-care Sunday episode and I was meaning to film an episode today so I was like you know what, I think this is gonna be it. I have a lot of thoughts fresh in my mind that um I want to share with you I know that i’ve already started my priming and it might be too late to say this but I think I should say this, let’s dive right into it. Okay, so first things first I want to tell you I have a lot of thoughts about this topic.
I’m not someone who like makes scripts or makes notes, so if i line up going in a few different directions stick with me please. I will try and tell you everything that my mind can think of. So the first thing I need to just kind of address over here is because I go through the comments and sometimes I feel like you guys think I really have like my shit together and that like I have my life together or that I have everything like in just because in theory and in practice I’m able to think straight, doesn’t mean I literally have everything together I don’t sometimes in your head having that sense of sensibility and that sense of center can actually really um throw you off because the people in your life are not necessarily on the same wavelength and that can really disorient you emotionally um and from a mental health point of view. So first off I just kind of want to address that no I I’m not perfect, I don’t have everything in my life that’s perfect.
I have a lot of aspects of my life that I wish were better. I also definitely want to say that when I say letting go or when I discuss letting go, I don’t mean I’m like amazing at it myself have I started to try and understand the theory of it. Yes.
But I myself am still trying to actually put it into practical use for myself letting go as a term, everybody thinks of one of these two things one is either you’re saying okay let go of everything, like I’m not asking you to turn into a scene then uh never feel bad about anything or never like just be like, it’s okay these things happen, it’s life and move on no things hurt you get upset that’s very, very, very normal. But, the other thing that people assume by letting go is that you are at the harder end of this like, you can just let go of people, you can just delete people, no. Nobody can do that also because we’re all human and we all have emotions and at some point we all one way or another do get hurt, we do hurt others also subconsciously, unconsciously these are things that all of us do. I mentioned this in one of the earlier episodes of this series where I said you know what we’ll never be a good person in everybody’s story, in some or the other story some level of bad person villain, for sure.
And it’s normal because see in life you can’t please everyone, you can’t have everyone agree with you on everything there are things in life in fact I put up an instagram post about this earlier in this week as well where, where I talked about how it’s not possible for everyone to agree on everything as long as you can in a healthy manner agree to disagree you’re fine you know what I mean that’s what’s really important. So I wanna make a confession and say that even though I talk about letting go and I talk about being zen it’s not the easiest thing in the world for me, it’s not like it comes oh so naturally. I work on it in fact it was a friend of mine who I went through a really weird phase with at some point last year and he made me realize that you know you say you don’t hold like you say you don’t hold things against people but you continue to feel bad about them and it was when he said that I realized that he’s right, he’s actually not wrong even though I forgive people, I don’t forget those things and sometimes being really emotional can be really good from the point of view of yeah you are more empathetic towards people you are more compassionate towards people but I guess the downside of it is that you continue to hurt even though you’ve forgiven them, you’re not holding a grudge but you don’t forget either which means somewhere, in your head in your heart it continues to pinch you when you think of it and that’s true. I’m like that I, I I take a lot of time to come out of um a really like really deep, bad phase bad mood or an upset mood rather not bad like angry, anger I can get over in like soon like in a jiffy but uh upset hurt it takes me time to come out of it and I’m the kind of person that if I’m upset with you somewhere I expect you to reach out to me and if I don’t get that, I don’t, I don’t actively work on like if I’m upset with you, I won’t reach out to you just like that. If I’m upset with you I’ll stay to myself for quite a while and I wanna add a little like sub point here, I have a really really close friend who said something beautiful to me earlier this year I was really upset about something and I was talking to him and he said that you know Aanam it’s okay for you to like because I would feel guilty, like if I am upset and if I am not talking to the him and he said to me that you know what?
It’s okay for you to be upset with someone and then expect them to come to you realize say sorry, reach out because the fact of the matter is is that as people and he’s the same so he could relate to it when he was telling me this um he was saying that you know the thing is, we’re the kind of people and tell me if you can relate to this. We’re the kind of people who love so much and give so much like if we were teacups, we’re always so busy pouring ourselves into other people’s cups, that sometimes we forget that our own tea is getting over. Metaphorically speaking.
So, while we want those people in our lives and while on some level emotionally because you’ve known them for so long or because you have memories with them or whatever you need them in a certain sense of way the fact of the matter is is that those are the people who only take, they don’t necessarily give and that’s not a relationship of equals, someone who is equal will make an effort to give as much as they get or at least give as much as they can give but make the effort of the act of giving you know what I mean and that really stayed with me, it stayed with me to an extent where I actually started thinking in my head that, how many of my close friends are people who will call me upfront and be like, not just to like hang out but like to have conversation, like I’m I’m by nature I’m not someone who just wants to hang out with people randomly. Like I’m very fine sitting in a corner with my book watching something, making videos, I’m okay with that. But if I want to hang out with you, I don’t just want to go to like a place with really loud music and 30 people there. I want to be able to ask you how you’re doing, I want to be able to ask you how’s work, how’s life, you’re newly married, how’s married life going, I want to be able to have conversation with you.
It doesn’t matter how long I’ve known you for, if I’m interested in you I want to know about your life and I want you to know about my life also not just about, hey so what’s new with work you know like I’ve seen those kind of people. Today, today I think I’m in a place to say that whatever little level of success Alhamdulillah I may have reached in life, I feel like I’ve also seen the kind of people who always just want to know about work or always just want to know about okay so what’s going on with you? But they don’t want to know hey like, how’s your mental health doing or hey how are you coping in this lockdown you know, so those are the kind of filters that I’ve started adding on myself for the people around me over the last couple of hours. Previously I used to think, okay it’s fine some people might be there, some might not but now I have set my parameter, my standards a little higher. And that setting your, for yourself setting a standard a little high, will do two things.
One is it will instantly make you feel really lonely because a lot of people will not make it through that barrier, unfortunately or if you’re really fortunate then fortunately good for you lucky you I’m jealous but the second thing it will do is that the people you then allow into your life will be people who will actually be um you know that adult friendships as a concept will be your adult friends who you can talk to, who you may not talk to on a daily basis like now I have like adult friendships where, I don’t talk to these set of people who I consider my close friends. I don’t talk to them every other day, I talk to them once a week sometimes I talk to them once in two weeks but I know they’re there for me, they I know that when they ask me they’re checking in on me it’s genuine, it’s not just because I’m bored so I’m sending a whatsapp saying hey what’s up they like they actually want to talk to me they’re thinking of me um in whatever way or form you know what I mean. But circling back to the idea of letting go or being able to understand that it’s fine, some people won’t be able to pass this filter because it’s a fact right, not every one will pass through the filter. That is a point of really like needing to make peace with.
So what I was talking about was when you let go of this set of people it’s obviously going to be really tough but I really think very strongly that sometimes, we forget that not everyone is meant to be in your life forever. Like I have certain friends of mine from school where we talk once in a while and it’s all well and good and great and we talk in the sense we catch up, we don’t go too deep but it’s nice fun chill light conversation. Then I have certain friends from college who I was really close to in college obviously like you meet them five six days a week your hangout spots are the same, you’re the same age group, you’re going through the similar phases of your lives probably at least academically and personally if not like work wise like I was the only one working while I was in college but the other facets of our lives were more or less the same and that’s why you find that oh you know what I can really relate to these people but after you get done from college your equation could change.
Today, when I look back at my college friend circle our immediate friend circle in college was like 13-14 of us but from my college group of friends now it’s just about six seven of us who are really in touch we have a whatsapp group we talk often um obviously before lockdown and in general we would try to meet once a month and it was really nice chill times, it was adult friendships done right you know what i mean. Like we didn’t find the need to talk every day all the time um some of us are married some of us are engaged some of some of them are dating um you know getting to meet their boyfriend, their girlfriend. It’s a really interesting dynamic.
You know I would say and accepting that is really great so, where does the strategy of being able to let go fall in all this ? I should definitely answer that because I started this whole video with letting go and I feel like I should talk about how I’ve talked about why you might need to let go but I should talk about how you can ease out that pain. First of all for me I think I’ve realized that acknowledging that there is pain, is so important so many of us are like it’s just a phase we get over it, whether it’s a breakup with a lover partner boyfriend girlfriend or a breakup with a friend like I’ve talked about breakups with best friends in this series also and I think it first of all it’s just it’s really important to acknowledge that this feels like a breakup of a sort and it’s hurting. Acknowledgement is key because it’s when you acknowledge to yourself that yes it’s hurting me, it’s hurting me, my I’m aching from inside is when you can truly sit back and say okay, now I’m making now I need a cure I need to be able to get over this in some way that self helpness needs to come through, for yourself. I think one of the things that has genuinely helped me a lot in my life is understanding that certain people are meant to be in our lives only for a certain period and that certain period is not like okay, you will be in their life for 3 months or 3 years it’s not a time bound thing. It’s a purpose-bounded thing and understanding that in itself can be really heavy duty.
It can be really heavy duty, I’ll tell you why so for example : I used to be really really really close to someone in my life um six, seven, what was it eight years, ten years ago now I’m thinking about it 10 years ago and uh when we parted ways in like again in a matter of like three years from when we met it was really tough on me. It was really tough on me in the sense that I didn’t know what had hit me, I didn’t know what had happened overnight, I didn’t know, I didn’t know where to look like I felt like I was a deer caught, what is the phrase ? The deer in headlights in front of headlights whatever the phrase is I can’t remember right now, I’m going blank um but over a period of time I think I realized through self analysis, through reading books, through talking to people of course is that they’re caught in headlines is it that no I can’t remember, is that this person had come into my life with a purpose and somehow through the course of being in my life they had lived out their purpose what they had come into my life for had been achieved. I had I felt more like an adult emotionally, mentally I started my blog. I got a push from this person for that um for me my blog was supposed to be just a hobby but even the fact that at the back of my mind there was a seed that was planted, that no this can be your full-time job um that could have been the purpose I feel like it’s so important to look back at people you’ve had in your life and think about the good they left behind, I’m not saying there’s only good there’s always good and bad in all kinds of relationships, um friendships, acquaintances, colleagues, peers, competitors, family it could be anything but focus on the good see what they left behind for you to do with all the experience you had, For me, uh when I look back at certain friends, when I look back at certain people I had in my life, I always tried to think of the person before I met them and the person after I met them.
One of the biggest personal losses to me and I may have indicated this earlier while talking to you guys but I’m just gonna come out and say it in case I haven’t before one of my biggest personal losses to date emotionally has been losing my best friend and my best friend and I were together like were best friends from 2005 to 2016, I think. And that’s when you know kind of shit came down the roof to me that will always be a loss that chipped away a part of my soul that will. It’ll just always be a loss that I’ll carry with me because you know when you meet boys and when things don’t work out with boys you have your girlfriends that you make your family and she was the biggest let’s say the most important member of my friend family that I had and I will not lie I tried at some point to replace her with more people that I met because I felt that there was that void, there was an emptiness and I needed someone else to sit on that chair.
It was only later in life a couple of years later that I realized this is not musical chairs um and that if she’s left my life if we’ve both left each other’s lives for whatever reason with whatever happened doesn’t matter who did what, who said what, who’s fault it was, who shouldn’t have said any in that’s inconsequential it just boils down to the fact that for whatever reason we aren’t in each other’s lives anymore and I needed to make peace with it I needed to make peace with the fact that for whatever reason better or worse we’re not as close as we used to be we still talk sometimes, we’re obviously because we’ve known each other for so many years we’re still around each other fairly often in social circles um but over a period of time, we’ve realized that we have a group dynamic now we don’t share that one-on-one dynamic anymore. I’ve tried a few times, she’s tried a few times and it’s just it just landed up being something that didn’t work out after a point. For me letting go of that has been one of the toughest things ever in fact to date and we’re in 2020, when I’m not well or when I’m really low like there have been times when I have you know you’re like really low and you cry and you’re sleepy and you want a baby more and Gerry will tell me you were taking her name last night do you want to just call her and talk to her and I need a tissue. This is not good for my makeup.
It’s okay to feel like that, I used to feel weak when I felt like this up until maybe a year ago, maybe a couple of years ago. Today I’ve realized I mean not today I’ve realized now at this point in this phase of my life I’ve realized it doesn’t make me weak it makes me human. It keeps me real it doesn’t matter what you have in your life there are certain things that you’ll always miss and it’s okay to miss those things, it’s okay to feel that way.
There are people in my life that I wish I still had but does that mean I would take them now as is no because too much damage has been done so it’s okay to just look back at things and feel, I dropped like a bunch of things on the side it’s okay to look back at these things and feel you know what it was great while it lasted and sometimes it’s better to understand that the purpose, the journey, the common intersection of your paths um are over and now it’s your turn to move on on their turn to move both your turns to move on um fully respecting the fact that if you try to just but forcibly drag it forward it will be like you are dragging it forward. No relationship should feel like a drag it should feel like you’re walking together hand in hand or at least side by side the minute one person is dragging the other person forward or you are both dragging each other forward it’s not good. So where do you go from here right? Like where do you go from where you are, let’s say okay you’re trying to make peace with it you’re trying to say its’s okay, time to move on, you’re trying to say done deal, won’t think about it we’ll focus on the positives how do you get yourself to actually do it?
This is a question that I would ask very often when I was reading these books and coming across these self-help kind of you know pieces of content. I would be like but how to do this one of the things that has helped me a lot in my life and not just in my lows also in my high’s like really really good times in my life one of the things that I’ve really relied on has been journaling. If you have not tried journaling, please consider it traditional old-school journaling obviously means taking a pen and paper writing things down you can graduate into using your laptop or your iPad or whatever it is that you prefer.
I actually recently came to know that a lot of people journal by or recording videos like in and keeping them in private obviously for me I guess this entire self-care Sunday series feels like journaling um but I have after so many years I’ve gone back to journaling. I uh had a very good long break from it but I’ve gone back to journaling the way I used to before. Where I pen down my thoughts, I pen down my good moments, my low moments, I pen everything down and I’m actually enjoying it more than ever 2020 and this lock down and not meeting people obviously has been really tough on a lot of people myself included and uh I found it really helpful to be able to sit down and just put all my thoughts down. So when I journal obviously it helps you release a lot of your emotions, it makes you think, it makes you write down your thoughts so it’s almost like you’re reliving certain moments or you’re really thinking about something deeper than you would otherwise the other thing that really works for me is a couple of really simple questions and for these simple questions you don’t need to be journaling you can just think of these questions and answer them to yourself. I always ask myself is this gonna matter to me, next year this time or is this going to matter to me five years this time like is it going to matter in the long run, essentially.
In most cases my answer is no, in certain cases like if you ask about that friend of mine who I was thinking about this happened in 2016 and is it still mattering to me four years later ? Yeah, it does. But which which brings me to my next question that I ask myself is there anything you can do about it and when I say is there anything you can do about it I’m I don’t mean in terms of to go and take that person back because that like I said is going to be dragging any relationship is there anything you can do in terms of can you go back and change what happened, can you go back and redo the situation in a different way, can you go back and make the person not do the actions that they did you can’t you can’t because there’s no command Z, control Z, undo button in real life. So for me that has become a really really important filter that I ask myself does it matter, ? Will it matter in the long run ? Can I do anything ? Oh my god that one question means is like a filter that I need to constantly remind myself of it’s the best decision I need to keep that filter or about moments that drag me down. Can i do anything about it ? Don’t cry over spilt milk kind of a thing you know because you at the end of the day you get one life guys you get one shot, you get one shot and if you can’t make it right in that one shot then that’s that, you want to make the most of the life that you have it’s a gift it’s the present for a reason and I have eye shadow in my eye. I need to fix that, see could I do something about that ? Yeah did I ? Yes.
That’s what I’m talking about. You know I just want to reiterate every time I sit here and share these thoughts with you, I don’t need to sound like someone who’s like giving you a dozen special note’s on what to do with your life. I’m, I just want to be like that friend of yours, maybe that the sister of yours or maybe that younger sister of yours or the same age sister of yours doesn’t matter who just is sharing her experience. I don’t mean to make it sound like I know it all because god knows I don’t.
There are experiences in my life that I’ve had that you may not have had and I’m just trying to share my journey in a hope that maybe it empowers you or helps you or enables you there must for sure be experiences in your life that I can learn a lot from and if you guys ever feel like sharing that with me, you know I’m reading the comments. So many times you guys also email me about your specific you know in fact just this morning I had someone who emailed me about a breakup that they had and how she was feeling down and out and how my videos are mental therapy for her and I appreciate that so much because it just goes to show that I’m able to help you come out of something or I’m able to distract you while you’re coming out of something with a little bit of entertainment or a little bit of information on beauty, fashion, my life, vlogs anything for me the idea has always been on my channel to keep it real. There’s I don’t know how to do it any other way, I don’t want to do it any other way, I want to make sure that any and I’ve said this since I started my blog, not my youtube channel my youtube channel is three years old, my blog is almost nine years old at this point. I’ve been saying this since that time real real real. There are enough people on the internet who are putting out a bunch of things that aren’t real um just like any other industry I’m sure not just influencers, content creators it happens across the board.
So I don’t want to contribute to that I want to contribute towards, helping in any way that I can give you information, make your life better or maybe if I can’t make your life better I can just share my life with you and if it makes you feel better then my job is done that’s all i want. Little reminder that secret announcement is still to come in this video and I think I should do that now before I complete my entire look otherwise I won’t be able to give you all the details. This is something that I have been thinking about for I’m not gonna lie, this is something I’ve been thinking about for over a year maybe a little more than over a year, it’s something that I’ve been wanting to do but I held back thinking, no like you know they don’t need that much they don’t want that much they’re happy with my videos and my stories and whatever else there’s no need to go beyond anymore it’s fine like it’s not that I don’t want to I wasn’t sure if anybody really wants more to begin with because let’s be honest the internet is a very saturated place there’s a lot going on on the internet and you guys already I hope are following me on Instagram so you already get to see my updates on instagram you see my videos here four or five times a week, god knows how many times a week then I have a Hindi channel. So I was like no I don’t need to throw one more thing in the ring but then I realized everybody already has Facebook on their phones right most of us already have Facebook I want to do this, I want to do something that will make us not just a general community that will make us a community community that will give us all literally the status of friendship that will give us the idea that will hopefully convince you and make you realize that I genuinely want to engage with you, not just for numbers and algorithms and whatever else.
I want to engage with you from the point of view of I want to get to know your lives, I want to know that if you’re looking for an internship can I help you ? if you’re looking to hire someone can I help you with this if you’re looking for a recipe and not just me if there’s any other subscriber, any other follower over here who can help you, I want you to get the help that you might need. I want to, I want to because I think it’s so important to in this day and age where kindness is so so rare. I want to go out there and create like a group of like-minded women, like-minded people at large who hopefully will find that one safe space that’s private, that’s a secret and that’s um just between us it doesn’t have to be something that the whole world knows about very frankly it can be something that’s just between us which is why I said earlier that I’m not making this announcement on Instagram at least for now the plan is just to not say it on instagram at all if that changes over a period of time then we’ll see. I want this to be a safe haven for us because I want us to be able to talk about absolutely anything and everything.
With that I want to tell you that I’ve decided to go ahead and create a Facebook group of just us. Think of this as a safe space it is going to be a secret members only group so if you’re seeing this here on YouTube there is a link down below in the info box that you could consider going and hitting the join button on. I will have to um approve each request that comes in there it is not going to be a public page, I’m not doing this for publicity that’s why I want to keep it private. I want that to be the kind of place that truly truly is just us. It could be you wanting a recipe, it could be you sharing your baby photos, it could be you telling me about how your day was and the thing is it’s not just me who’s gonna post there, you can post there, everyone can post there this is something that I just want for our WEARfam.
I’m gonna obviously leave the link for you guys in the info box but apart from that I am gonna talk about it a couple of times not too many times, a couple of times I want us to be a very uh loyal follower only kind of place, I want this to be just us, I want this to be um I want this to be people who actually care for the kind of conversations I’m here for you know what I mean. I don’t want this to be for, oh my god this was a bad idea oopsie. There was a little bit of a mishap on the eyeliner that obviously completely stopped me from saying what I was saying but I should continue what I was saying uh and where was I the Facebook group. So basically, I just want this group to be about all of us coming together think of it like all of us, being proper actual friends I want to do events with you guys, I want to meet you guys offline, I want to be able to actually engage with you.
I want to get to know you very importantly because you guys know so much about my life excuse me I would love to get to know you guys like I get to know some of you getting married or like your friends and family reach out to me for like birthday videos um I know about a couple of secret pregnancies between you guys also but I wanted I like I want all of us to come together and just create a group of girl power. You know what I mean and after so long of thinking about it also it’s a safe space. So I want it to be, I want it to be something where you can also come and talk about life, talk about your grievances, be there for each other literally like friends coming together I keep saying friends friends friends I’m not promoting the sitcom here I’m saying I actually am your friend. I feel like your friend and I hope that I also like you also think of me as your friend like, I hope you do um and for that for sure 100%, where did my loose powder go and for that 100% what I would love is for you guys to consider joining this group. Keeping in mind that this is a place only for kindness, only for love, for uplifting one another if anybody over here gets aggressive, gets nasty, if there’s any drama created as the person who has created the group with a lot of love and care and thinking about you know women being there for each other I will instantly, remove people like that from the group.
I want this to be I’m saying this for like 100th time, like a broken record right now but I want this to be a safe space, I want this to be somewhere that we can come and talk and maybe after covid and the lockdown and all of that um at some point if we can even come together, meet I would love to do like exclusive zoom, virtual meet and greets in the meanwhile and hopefully actually meet and greets once things get better but with like this select members only kind of like a circle, yeah. That’s my thought. I know this video has been really chatty, I have no idea how long it’s actually gonna be but I’m really hoping that you guys um get where I’m coming from when I film videos like this I like for these to be really candid, this is me talking about life, this is me sharing my experiences with you. By no means am I ever trying to come across as a know-it-all, I always just want to come here and talk to you about keeping it 100% real.
Okay and with that we come to the end of today’s video. I tried to put on lashes for about 10 minutes but my glue has gotten really weird and since I haven’t really stepped out of the house I haven’t been able to repurchase it. I should place that order online today.
You know what one of the things I used to do in my older videos that I stopped doing for some reason at some point in the middle but I’m going back to doing it, is giving you guys a secret codes to put in the comment section. If you make it to the end of the video so the secret code for today’s video over here is I want to say, “Blue eyes hypnotized” because I have blue eyes. So, be lame with me and put that in the comment section down below if you have made it till the end of this video.
This is also where I usually do the WEARfam comment shout out for the day and it goes to Sanskriti Acharya. Thank you so much you guys for always talking to me down below in the comment section. I’m always reading, hearting, liking, responding to all of your comments, so keep them coming.
Thank you for being a safe space for me to be able to come here and pour my heart out to you, this is a thing that I’ve really started enjoying more than ever it’s so therapeutic for me and it’s so therapeutic for me to also go through all of your thoughts down below in the comments. Please make sure that if you are someone who’s like an OG follower or someone who genuinely enjoys my content only then to come and join that secret group I mentioned sometime earlier in this video. I’m doing no reminders to like, share subscribe etc right now because you guys know I already like really appreciate if you do that.
Thank you very very very much for watching this. I will see you in the next one. Bye guys!