OBSESSING OVER A PAST RELATIONSHIP | WHEN YOU CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUR EX? | SL Coaching

Emotionally and Sexually

Everyone welcome back. Thanks for joining me for another video. If you are new to my channel, my name is Stephanie I’m a life and relationship coach If you are a subscriber and you’re part of the notification community you guys we have hit a hundred thousand subscribers on this channel That’s such a huge milestone.

I’m so excited. I’m so grateful And so thankful for all of you guys and all of your comments and love and support So I just wanted to say thank you. We have hit this amazing milestone So this week I want to talk about something that a lot of people struggle with and it’s the hope of your ex coming back so if you are going through a breakup if you are going through a divorce if you’ve been discarded by someone who could possibly be narcissistic No matter what the situation is Going through a breakup is not an easy thing to do and there are many stages that you have to go through It’s definitely a roller coaster of emotions for sure there’s definitely a grieving process that we have to go through but often times there are people That will struggle with the thought of your ex coming back So it’s this hope that some people have of your ex returning of your ex partner realizing what they had and saying You know what?

I realized that you’re the one and here I am or for maybes bad behavior that your ex had and them changing and becoming the person that you want them to be or the person that they even maybe were in the beginning phase of your relationship if you’re dealing with someone who’s narcissistic So this hope that we have of this person coming back into our lives It keeps us stuck and most people don’t realize that Replaying these stories over and over again.https://adultfriendfinder.com/go/page/landing_page_113 It keeps them stuck and really prevents them from moving on now like a lot of topics I talk about on this channel a lot of things in life are not black and white and this is a topic that is in Black and white just because a relationship ends doesn’t mean that you could possibly knock it back together in the future But the point of me making this is that you learn that when a relationship ends to move on from that relationship in a healthy way to possibly grow yourself to allow that person to possibly grow and if at any one time in your lives You rekindle that flame and get back together, then that’s absolutely amazing you would have both learned and grown from your Experiences to be the people that you probably needed to be in order to be together and have a healthy relationship But what ends up happening is most people don’t realize that they just keep this hope alive within them and There are a couple of steps a couple of tips that I want to give you to really help you to understand how important it is to move on after a breakup or a relationship and how this thought of this person coming back is really hurting you now, like I said, Could you possibly get back together with this person? Absolutely, but as of right now, is it healthy for you to keep this feeling of hope and faith in this person? changing Realizing that they had a great partner in you giving you the things that you probably need in the relationship and that that person wasn’t capable of giving to live in this hope of this person changing or being something that they’re they’re currently not it’s such a stuck place to be because you’re basing your life your happiness the relationship that you really want on someone else the truth of the matter is that No, good relationship.

Everyone welcome back. Thanks for joining me for another video. If you are new to my channel, my name is Stephanie I’m a life and relationship coach If you are a subscriber and you’re part of the notification community you guys we have hit a hundred thousand subscribers on this channel That’s such a huge milestone.

I’m so excited. I’m so grateful And so thankful for all of you guys and all of your comments and love and support So I just wanted to say thank you. We have hit this amazing milestone So this week I want to talk about something that a lot of people struggle with and it’s the hope of your ex coming back so if you are going through a breakup if you are going through a divorce if you’ve been discarded by someone who could possibly be narcissistic No matter what the situation is Going through a breakup is not an easy thing to do and there are many stages that you have to go through It’s definitely a roller coaster of emotions for sure there’s definitely a grieving process that we have to go through but often times there are people That will struggle with the thought of your ex coming back So it’s this hope that some people have of your ex returning of your ex partner realizing what they had and saying You know what?

I realized that you’re the one and here I am or for maybes bad behavior that your ex had and them changing and becoming the person that you want them to be or the person that they even maybe were in the beginning phase of your relationship if you’re dealing with someone who’s narcissistic So this hope that we have of this person coming back into our lives It keeps us stuck and most people don’t realize that Replaying these stories over and over again. It keeps them stuck and really prevents them from moving on now like a lot of topics I talk about on this channel a lot of things in life are not black and white and this is a topic that is in Black and white just because a relationship ends doesn’t mean that you could possibly knock it back together in the future But the point of me making this is that you learn that when a relationship ends to move on from that relationship in a healthy way to possibly grow yourself to allow that person to possibly grow and if at any one time in your lives You rekindle that flame and get back together, then that’s absolutely amazing you would have both learned and grown from your Experiences to be the people that you probably needed to be in order to be together and have a healthy relationship But what ends up happening is most people don’t realize that they just keep this hope alive within them and There are a couple of steps a couple of tips that I want to give you to really help you to understand how important it is to move on after a breakup or a relationship and how this thought of this person coming back is really hurting you now, like I said, Could you possibly get back together with this person? Absolutely, but as of right now, is it healthy for you to keep this feeling of hope and faith in this person? changing Realizing that they had a great partner in you giving you the things that you probably need in the relationship and that that person wasn’t capable of giving to live in this hope of this person changing or being something that they’re they’re currently not it’s such a stuck place to be because you’re basing your life your happiness the relationship that you really want on someone else the truth of the matter is that No, good relationship.

No healthy relationship ends So the only time a healthy good relationship will end is unfortunately if someone passes away So when we accept that this relationship that I was in even though there might have been some good stuff even though I see the potential that this person has this person is not capable of being what you need at this time, or You’re not what this person needs and that doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you It’s just perhaps they’re not ready for what you want or they’re sabotaging Their relationship themselves because they have their own wounds that they’re carrying around and they’re projecting those wounds onto you Accepting that no good relationship ends. I personally think is a huge stepping stone towards real recovery because you have to know exactly What you want in a relationship? And I say this all the time if you don’t know what you want and I mean being very clear on the type of partner that you’re looking to attract that you need if you’re looking to be with someone long-term or even for the rest of your life If you don’t know what it is that you need the dynamic between the two of you and it’s not easy no relationship is going to be easy all the time, but it should be very effortless it should be easy in the sense just like you and someone that you’re really good friends with the relationship just flow is very naturally Right and you both know how to talk to each other and communicate with each other and you have a healthy relationship You have an understanding and a respect for each other That’s what you want in a partner and at that past Relationship didn’t give you that and it obviously didn’t because it ended then you’re lowering your standards on what it is that you truly want so when you know exactly What you want and you can be honest with yourself to say is this? Person or was this person giving me what I need in a relationship? is this person capable of giving me what I need in a relationship and Accepting that this person probably is not ever going to be able to give me what I want in a relationship Perhaps like I said, they have their own wounds.

They have their own projections They have their own stuff that they’re carrying around with them that could possibly be sabotaging a lot of relationships and the two of you are just Not meant to be I feel like a lot of this hope that people will have where they’re replaying These stories over and over again well, you know maybe if they got their act together, well, maybe if they kind of you know realize that I’m a great catch and that they have a good thing and someday they’ll possibly come back and that we had such a great connection and they would play these these stories over and over again that keep them stuck in that hope feeling and when you’re Stuck in that that means that you lack Confidence you lack self-worth you lack self value you lack true true self. Love Because when you really love yourself you accept people for who they are You don’t take offense and you’re not attached to people that are not good for you, you know exactly what you need It’s just like if you want a healthy relationship and I apologize is crazy windy outside my house right now But if you want a hell the relationship It’s just like you owning a company and and hiring for a job. You have to have a job description You have to know what you need and you have to be confident and okay I need this person in this company to help me in this way. It’s no different with relationships You have to know exactly what you need and when you’re not getting it from this person Like I said if they’re not equipped if they’re not capable they have their own stuff Whatever it is that you don’t stay attached to someone changing or possibly seeing that you’re a catch if someone doesn’t know That you’re a good person and this is and you add value to a relationship and that you are a catch you Can’t change that in a person.

It takes so much work to change ourselves the thought of possibly changing someone else It’s a never-ending battle that you’re constantly going to lose because you have no control over Someone else their healing their process their journey where they’re at You just don’t know that so we can love a person We can have a connection with a person but in order to determine Whether or not someone is right for you to be in a relationship That’s a totally different thing and I think sometimes people get so mixed up with what we have a great connection Well, we really love each other We are friends and there are certain things in the relationship that are really really good and that’s amazing, but those things don’t determine always Longevity in a relationship. It doesn’t determine whether or not you can verbally communicate with each other It doesn’t determine on whether or not someone uses emotional abusive tactics or possibly shut down when things get too difficult or too hard So it’s being with someone and finding a real healthy relationship long-term. There’s so many aspects of it It’s not just we have great sex.

in a Relationship

I’m really attracted to this person. They are my friend. I have good times with them Those are all you know factors But what you really need in that relationship is that easiness of the relationship where it just flows?

Naturally, it doesn’t mean you don’t hit bumps in the road. It just means when you hit those bumps Like I said, just like someone a family member a sister a brother a friend whenever you hit those bumps with that person You still know how to manage that bump and and come back to we respect each other. We love each other We’re gonna get through this disagreement this argument what have you the only difference between Your relationship with someone that you’re best friends with and a partner is just the sexual attraction. That’s really it so you’re basically trying to find your best friend and the person that you’re obviously attracted to sexually so When you go out there and you’re dating think about that person think about the person in your life That is an amazing friend to you You have a great connection and friendship and understanding Of each other and respect for each other that has allowed you to be friends for 20 years for 10 years for five years Whatever.

The last thing is, you have to stop replaying these stories So I feel like oftentimes when a breakup happens We tend to only remember the good times and we don’t ever remember the bad times. We don’t ever remember the things that Frustrated us about being in this relationship or that we felt like we weren’t getting from this person that we really wanted and we tend to only Replay those hopeful positive good times and that’s amazing We should always leave a relationship and remember the good times But you also need to remember the things that were wrong in the relationship And I think that that helps you to move on and to accept that this person wasn’t right for you You know a lot of the times when a relationship ends and I hate saying this when there’s nothing in sight, you know It’s been a few months a few years and you haven’t met anyone and you’re not dating anyone You’re not excited about anyone and you’re just kind of Stagnant, right it can be very easy to go back to will that relationship was amazing or that relationship having really good parts To it. And you start Justifying again all that bad stuff all that bad behavior or all the things that you wish were really different in that past Relationship and that’s when we start replaying these stories keeping that hope alive Instead of allowing that relationship to pass and die and move on now So when there’s nothing in sight it sometimes can keep us stuck And again, we don’t need to have a relationship insight We need to focus on what’s going on inside of us that we feel This need to stay stuck in this past story in this past relationship with a person that’s not right for us Remember the stories that you’re playing you have to catch yourself. This is going to be a test of mental toughness This is going to be the thing that you need to do in order to or you need to practice in order to really move on is Recognizing. Ok, what?

Am I replaying this story? When am I living in that? Hope feeling and not facing the reality of what that relationship actually was about So whenever that hope starts to come up you have to remind yourself of ok what it is.

What is it that I want? What is it that I want? I want a healthy relationship. Ok. How does the healthy relationship?

What should it look like? How should it feel you know? What are the things in a partner that I really need that I didn’t get from this last person? What were the reasons why this relationship had to end whether I ended it or they ended it and all Relationships are different how they end so when someone discards you when someone betrays you and someone cheats on you Those are very different situations then you Possibly ending the relationship with someone doesn’t mean that you ending The relationship is a is an easy thing to do, especially when you love someone you don’t want the relationship to end But it’s all different in terms of how we process this breakup and being discarded Someone betraying you cheating on you and you living in that.

Hope of like, maybe they’ll come back Maybe they’ll recognize the mistake that they did again. Both of them it starts with you You have to really love yourself to say if someone cheats on me, but raise me leaves me Abandons me. What have you? That has nothing to do with me and I don’t want anyone That would ever do that to me now I know that that sentence can seem like the hardest thing in the world to say especially when you’re so in love with someone and you just found out that they’re leaving you or that they cheated on you or Whatever, right? That’s a difficult thing to say But your self-worth is determined by how you view yourself and when you know yourself worth and you know your value, you know What you deserve you’re not oh you’re never going to be attached to?

Relationships that are not good for you So if someone wants to leave as hard as it is and as hard as there’s a process now that you’re gonna have to go Through there is grieving. There is anger. There is all these different things. It’s not just saying every single day Okay, I’m gonna move on from this relationship and never think about it again Absolutely not but in the moments of feeling sad the relationship is over Even if you’re the one ending the relationship in the moments of looking back and replaying those stories of well There were some good times and starting to justify bad behavior or things that were going on the relationship that you aren’t happy about When you start justifying it just know that’s you coming from lack.

That’s you letting your wounds dictate the fact that you’re gonna stay stuck in the space unless you learn to move on from this in a healthy way and The only way you can move on to it move on from it in a healthy way is to know what you want Know what you deserve and strive every single day to get closer to that That’s the person that you want to meet and attract into your life You don’t want to waste any time or energy on a relationship. That is not good for you Not right for you and life’s short and you deserve to be happy. So know what you want in a relationship know what you deserve work on those two things every single day and consciously be aware of when you’re playing that story over and over again and realize that that story is Hurting you from attracting the person that you really want into your life So, I hope that this has helped you guys if you have any comments, please leave them down below Please leave me any questions.

Don’t forget to give this video a thumbs up And if you haven’t already don’t forget to hit the subscribe button and click on the notification bell. I will see you guys next week

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